Changing the Masses

It seems to be turning to fall rather quickly here in Colorado. Last weekend it was in the 90s, and now it's clouded over and about 60 degrees outside. As much as I know I will miss the summer weather, I welcome the change. I have always loved the changing of the seasons, the ongoing change in the earth. The seasons never really stop changing; mother nature is always in a constant state of change. There's something inherently beautiful about that fact, that one day is never the same as the next or the previous. How could you look at the world around you and not see the joy and beauty that goes along with it every day? God gave us domain over this amazing world, in exchange for us living up to our responsibility that comes with that domain. However, it seems that we have not lived up to that responsibility. There are many individuals who care about the world around them, who make an honest effort to ensure they carry out that responsibility, but our society seems to have grown cold about the world. As a general mass we don't care about our responsibility to the world, and that makes me so sad. God gave us this world with the intent and expectation that we would tend to it as he tends to us. He entrusted us with the world he created, trusted us to take care of it and treat it as he treats us; with great love, understanding, and fairness. As time has continued so has it become more and more apparent that perhaps his trust was misplaced. This seems to be the biggest example of absolute power corrupting absolutely. We have absolute power over our world, but we aren't using that power in all the ways we should. Yes, it is here for us to thrive off of and use, however in exchange we are supposed to give back by taking care of it. There have been some signs that maybe our society is turning around in this, with the global warming campaign that has been going on since the 70s, but even that has not been taken very seriously until recent years. The only thing that gives me faith in our ability to use this planet as we are supposed to is the fact that I see individuals around me making that effort. If enough individuals care, then eventually the society will care, since that is all a society is: a mass of individuals. Even though what I see in our current society disappoints me, knowing people like Sohneya or my loved ones, people who want to make a difference gives me that faith. Those people prove to me that humanity is still worthy of that responsibility. If more people see the beauty in the constant changing of the earth, more people would feel the need to step up. We'll get there, it's simply going to take time.

Moments in Time

Wow, it's been a long time since I last wrote. I apologize for that; I never meant to stop blogging, life just got hectic and, as I'm sure most of you know, when that happens it becomes hard to keep up with everything. So much has happened in the past few months, I feel like I would have to write a book to tell of everything. The biggest change in my life is that I am now living in Colorado. It's lovely here, an amazing blend of the city and mountains. I took a job here, and as a result this has been a good learning experience, as well as a thrill. Sohneya and I are still together and in love. He began college this fall, and I'm so incredibly happy for and proud of him. There are times when I get this feeling of "I wish things were the way they used to be." I miss our first summer together sometimes because of how happy we were. That's not to say that we're not happy now, but it's so much harder than it used to be. I came to the realization a while ago that we sacrificed one thing for another; we sacrificed that total happiness and contentedness for time to be physically together. It was worth it, don't take this as me saying I wish we had stayed apart, there are just moments when how hard it is hits me full force. There are moments when the only thing that could comfort me would be to be in his arms, and it's the one thing I can't have. But then we have our good days, which outnumber the bad by exponential amounts, and those moments when I say to myself, "What on earth were we thinking?" disappear like they never existed. It seems to be God's way of telling me that we made the right choice in staying together, which of course I never actually questioned; I know that him and I are meant to be together. It's simply God showing me how incredibly worth being together is. Besides, if we never had our hard times the good times might not seem so amazing. Although, I think maybe we've had enough hard times to last us a long time. He makes me so happy, and it's so amazing to know that as much as he's changed my life, so have I changed his. We make each others lives so much better and happier that the hard times seem so minuscule they may as well not exist at all. So here's my thought to you all; when times get hard look at all the good things around you and think to yourself how worth it these things all are. And then when times get easier and good again, stop and take a look around; you may just find that those moments are meant to be treasured because you now know what it is to be in hard times. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that moments come up when we are in need of perspective and giving us hard times to deal with is sometimes a good way to give us just that. When you go through those times, you begin to stop taking good moments for granted, no matter how small they are. You revel in each second of those moments, you live them to their fullest. This is how life is meant to be lived; to take the bad moments, get through them, learn whatever lesson you were meant to from them, and move on, while living the good moments to the fullest you possibly can. Next time you're going through a hard time think of that, and maybe you'll even be able to turn it into a good moment.

This is the moment...

It has been a long few days. Part of me feels like an old woman ready to sleep after a hard day's work, and the other part of me feels more alive than it has in awhile. I've learned a lot in the past few days, and even though it was hard-learned, it was worth it. Sohneya and I had to learn this lesson together, and although we both wish that it could have been learned in a different way, we are thankful to have back what we had lost without this lesson. Over this past summer was when our relationship began, and during that time it was vibrant, and we thrived because of it. We had each other, and were so thankful and in awe of the fact that we had actually found each other. We never expected to see each other last summer, and so we lived in what we had at that moment instead of trying to live for what we didn't think would happen. And then a small miracle came along and we got to spend a whole week together here in Montana. It was absolute heaven, there is no other way to describe it in words. We decided that week that we wanted to try and see each other again this winter, and so, with our sights set on that, we reluctantly let go of each other and separated once more. After that visit we were closer than ever, more in love that ever. But then we began focusing on the wrong things. Instead of living in the love we had at that moment, we constantly looked towards this winter, wanting it to happen so badly that we were forgetting the now. We forgot about the now, and although we never loved each other any less or ever fell out of love with each other, we began to have fears of loss, fears that things between us were not okay. There was really nothing wrong except our focus. This was something we recently figured out, and so we switched our focus to the now, to loving each other in this moment, basking in the love we share in this moment, rather than looking forward to the love we will share in the future. The summer we shared was absolutely incredible because of our ability to live in the now with each other, and I look forward to a lifetime of a love like that. So I want to pass this lesson on to you; live in the now. Stop grasping for the future, no matter how much you want it, how hard you reach for it, it will not come any quicker. If you constantly sacrifice the now because you are reaching so hard for the future you will be in a constant state of dissatisfaction. The future will come when it comes, and you cannot change that. So savor the moment you have now. Change things that are wrong now, live the life you have now, live the love you have now, because if you don't, moments will pass through your fingers like smoke and you'll realize how many you have wasted simply because you didn't live them as you were reaching desperately for the future.

Give Me a Memory

The weather has been rather peculiar as of late. This time of year in Montana, the sky is usually clouded over and it has been threatening to snow. Although the cold is enough to make people bundle up before venturing outdoors, the sky is a clear, cloudless blue, the sorts of which we usually only see during the summer when it's ninety degrees and people are taking every chance they can get to go swimming. Not that I'm complaining; I love the sun and have been very happy to wake up to sunshine instead of clouds, as much as I want it to snow. There's something magical about the time of year between Halloween and New Years. Fall is just coming to a close and winter is just starting up, or at least that's what mother nature says, even though according to the calendar winter doesn't being until December 21 or so. Christmas shopping is something I look forward to with great anticipation. I've already begun looking for presents for people, and can't wait to do some serious shopping. There's something about giving someone else a gift that makes me incredibly happy; I love shopping for other people just as much, if not more than I enjoy shopping for myself. I know a lot of people who hate Christmas shopping, and put it off until the last minute (i.e. Christmas Eve). If you are one of those people think about this: when you get someone a gift than comes from your heart, that you went and put a lot of thought into, you are giving them a much greater gift than if you glanced down at their wishlist and got them the first thing on it. When you do your Christmas shopping this year leave the wishlists at home and look for the things you know will make them happiest. If you know your son has been drooling over those roller blades for the past four months, go looking for them, put time and thought into it, and while you're doing it think of his face when he opens them Christmas morning. There's nothing quite like watching someone's face light up when they see the gift you got them, when they realize that not only did you get them that thing they've been wanting for quite some time, but that to choose that particular one you had to put thought and time into it. When someone glances down at my wishlist and gets me the first thing on the list I do appreciate it partly because they did get me something and partly because it was something I had wanted. But when someone gets me the thing I want and puts thought and intention behind it, it means that much more to me. If you've read my post "only for now" then you know more about my stance on this and money. It's something I think about often. Money doesn't buy me happiness. Does that $800 subwoofer in the back of my car make me happy? Yes. Is it extremely important to me? No. The one thing that may buy me happiness is the plane ticket Sohneya and I are going to buy in a couple weeks, but it's not the ticket that makes me happy, it's where the ticket gets me: in his arms. When you give someone something give them a memory as well, give it more depth than it had while it was sitting on its shelf in the store. As I told Sohneya a couple weeks ago, "Don't give me a possession, give me a memory."

Donate to tha LAWD'S children! Help tha desperate! Feed tha fund!

You're probably wondering what's up with the donate button that has suddenly appeared at the top of my blog. I have written fairly extensively about Sohneya and I over the course of my writing here. By now I'm sure you all know how in love we are, and how much we want to see each other this winter. Unfortunately love and pretty words don't buy a plane ticket, which is going to be anywhere from $600-$800. Ouch. We've both been working hard, but still don't have the money necessary to buy the ticket, and are still in need of about $300-$350. So we decided that it would be a good idea to you, our readers, for whatever amount of a donation you could spare. I know how annoying it is when people ask for money, but we're desperate. Thank you so, so much for anything you can give us, and if you have any questions feel free to leave a comment or email me. Thank you readers!

Illness

Being sick is just about the worst thing ever. Your throat feels like someone stuck a hot poker down it, nothing tastes the way it should, you have mucus running steadily from your nose, and your head feels like it might explode at any given moment. And just to put an extra cherry on top it usually means you get to miss a whole day of classes; make-up work might be the only thing worse than being sick. I'm sick today. Today is my busiest day of classes; I had homework in Astronomy, an important lecture in Rock and Roll History, a review session for my Anthropology exam on Thursday, oh, and a quiz in Management Information Systems, all of which I missed because some virus decided it would be a fabulous idea to plant itself somewhere inside my body. Did I mention I also have a job interview tomorrow? Yes, I realize I'm whining, and that it's really not as bad as I'm making it out to be; the world will keep spinning, my work will get made up, and life will go on. It's on days like this that I especially wish Sohneya was with me; cuddling with a hot cup of tea, under a warm blanket with the person you love can help cure any ills. I always miss him, always want him with me, but during times like this it becomes more of a need than at other times. To all of you out there who are sick right now you know what I'm talking about, and I wish you a speedy recovery. My advice to you is this: hot tea or hot cocoa, chicken noodle soup, a long, hot shower, a warm blanket, and either a good book or good movie. As for me, I wish I could write about something more interesting today, and I apologize for the rant, but unfortunately I don't have the energy to do so. So, I am going to follow my own advice and get some rest.

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

The fall colors are slowly disappearing, the world around me is turning brown in preparation for winter. The time period between Halloween and New Years has always been my absolute favorite time of the year. It's during this time that the snow first begins to fall, it's when Thanksgiving and Christmas come, and the entire time there is a feeling of warmth in the air. I thrive during this time of the year, my spirit revels in the atmosphere that this time of the year creates. I can't wait for Halloween to come, I can't wait for the snow to begin to fall, I can't wait for Thanksgiving, and I especially can't wait for the Christmas season. The Christmas season is always a big deal to me and my family. As soon as the Thanksgiving meal is over we begin to play Christmas carols, and then it's usually the day after Thanksgiving when we go and choose a tree to put up in our living room. Within a week after Thanksgiving our house is decorated for Christmas, the Christmas spirit prevalent in the atmosphere of our home. Throughout the entire Christmas season we will be baking; my mom makes her fudge and I make my peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate. On Christmas eve I always make pumpkin pie, and my dad prepares the turkey to be baked the next day. Christmas day we always wake up early, usually by six we're beginning to open presents. While the rest of my family sits in the living room I put Cinnamon rolls into the oven for breakfast and then join them to resume present opening. By ten my dad puts the turkey into the oven, and soon the smell of turkey and dressing spreads throughout the house. This is a scent that is in our house twice a year; Thanksgiving and Christmas. These two holidays are precious to me because of how close it brings my family, and because of how happy they both are. My soul absolutely revels in this time of the year; as soon as the first snow flake falls I will be in bliss. To all of you who know what I'm talking about, revel with me. To all of you who do not find this in the Thanksgiving or Christmas seasons, this year look for it. Bring the spirits of this season into your home, look to your loved ones and tell each of them how much they mean to you, how much you love them. When you go Christmas shopping do it with love, do it with a smile. Remember that we only have this life once, so make sure that it is as filled with love, warmth, and happiness as you can fill it with. This is the perfect time of the year to begin.